Monday, March 10, 2008

A Breather

I used to think that I am quite good in writing; in thinking fast and penning down swift.

It was when I encountered setbacks in life that I realised everything had been surreal all the while - I had mistaken all that were generated in my mind to be what reality is. Thus I come to see myself as one who is capable of seeing things through and reading their true nature. Something I take pride in all this while.

It was when I fell and landed harshly on the ground that I began to see the other side of the whole. The side which I thought I have seen and grasped it; the side which I think I have it under my examination and analysis.

So when my life came to a standstill I for once stopped and held everything fixed. Suddenly I came to see that I am not that capable anymore; I am not that efficient anymore; and I am certainly not that correct afterall.

It was an enlightening transition. Everything that was what I thought to be would change and transform in front of my very eyes. I began to suspect that all the while I might have been living in my own illusion. Something I created out of my imbalanced mind to favour my own sore soul and perhaps soothe my inner painful being.

When all dust is settled I began to see that I might not really know who this person, who has my name, face, body and identity, living in my place and doing what I am tasked to do, anymore than I know of him before all these. Suddenly I come to see that I have been wearing a psychological mask which I had painted for myself, in covering my inner feelings up when I step out of my individual realm and into the masses. It is an effective way of dealing with my own inner negativity.

The timing of everything has its own purpose. So is everyone born into this world. When one doesn't move forward, there'll be no resistance from the wind or water. It is only when one determinedly stands up and pushes forward that obstacles come to rise and hinder him. It is the best time, in fact, to confuse his visions and cloud his paths, so as to ensure that success is not for him. For one when succeeds, there'll be victors born, and the circle of happiness would simply expand and widen, embracing those coming into contact with this winner. From there, success breeds success, and happiness gain multifolds.

These negative forces are thus present to see that humans should not be that happy afterall.

After nine months of hectic work-study schedule, including some life-changing episodes, I have finally be able to take a rest from everything and slow all matters down. It is a short breather that I have wanted quite desperately. For all things there must be speed and strength, while at other times there must be gentleness and calmness.

In the coming time I shall gather myself and review all that I have done so far, and where I have arrived at presently. It is in fact the best time for me to rest and re-energise for the next period and stage of my life. While waiting the outcome of my academic study, which will determine the next course of my actions, I shall pick up all loose ends and start afresh.

The rain of March has not been receding; it has in fact gather strength and has been washing and clearing the heat of the tropical sun lately. It is certainly timely for one to embrace this heat and light and embark on a new journey, internally and outwardly, mentally and physically.