Thursday, January 24, 2008

22 days

22 days have passed since I penned down the first post of this year.

In this span of three weeks and one day, I have certainly experienced a trying struggle of keeping my head lowered and burrowed in the piles of reference sources to complete my overdue academic assignment, as well as coping with the physical outbreak of stress-related symptoms.

It is a period I will never forget.

Incidentally, while swimming through these events in a painfully slow speed, I have kept my head under the emotional breaking point. It certainly had allowed me to observe myself from a detached dimension that I had not been overwhelmed by the flooding mental pressures, which often led me to an outbreak of mental frustration and subsequently defeated over-stretched state.

What had caused me to feel as such? I believe it is the recovered faith I have picked up, in myself, in my faith's practice, in my object of faith's worship. It is ultimately a tranquil sense of inner peace and crystal-light strength that allows me to fall back on, in the face of meeting my external work and study schedules as well as my internal fluctuating turbulent thoughts.

Around this time, I had also another realisation with regard to this seemingly undetectable yet tangible change - I had felt a genuine, concrete sense of relief from the emotional baggage I had carried from last year when I posted the letter coupled with a photo to my Mentor Ikeda Sensei. The letter was sent out on 5th Jan, and I presumed it would reach him three to five days later. It was around that time that I began feeling a sense of gratitude and peace springing forth from within me. I almost instantly knew that my Mentor had offered his prayer for me.

Till this day, I could still travel back in time, in me, and locate that clear, unstained spring of compassionate embrace.

It was also with this realisation and clarity that I embarked on completing the second assignment of my second academic module. To read a matter or issue distant from us is probably never good a choice; to write something that is distant, yet bringing it forth and establishing a link between it and the world takes on a much more difficult and strenuous level - one has to suppress any alternate, intruding thoughts and keep focus on attempting to understand what has this world incorporated for it to become as such.

The pursuit of knowledge and life's wisdom certainly has not been an easy one.

With the submission of the assignment, and a reply from the lecturer that no penalty was administered for my five-day delay, I managed to lower the pressing force that has been dwelling in my chest for weeks.

Coupled with this positive outcome, I prepare myself for the final third assignment of one of the two modules - Nuclear (Non)-Proliferation. It is something I have wrote to Sensei, promising to him that I would do my best in introducing his thoughts and ideals, through my academic work, to my University, which I believe I do owe a living gratitude toward. It is the best I can return to my alma mater, as a student of life.

As the night falls and the moon brilliantly shining, I set forth for the final thrust of this academic finale.

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