It is 2.52 a.m. by my computer's clock.
In this quiet night of 26/10/2007, I am staying up late in preparation for my exam, which will commence in less than 24 hours.
The feeling of taking any test or exam, for me, has always been an unsettled one. Looking back through my academic years of foundational and tertiary studies, I have certainly come to acknowledge the fact that I am no 'exam-orientated'. While I may do much better in researching and writing textual assignments, I have always grappled with the uncertain mood of anticipating what questions would be asked.
It is a familiar feeling for sure, as I have always experienced it throughout my studying years.
Concurrently, whilst thinking back the years of my struggling growth and pursuits, I have also wandered along the path of wondering where would this paper of my current undertaking lead me to. Would I successfully enter a large corporation, one that recognises the fact that I may not be adequately experienced but pays well nevertheless, or would I be allowed to join the United Nations, a place I desired and dreamt about quietly, and work for the well-being of the humanity's community? At the time when the surrounding is almost entirely asleep, my future is as elusive as the night's starlight.
Incidentally, in the midst of this mind-wandering journey, I came to this enlightenment that the 'desire' I held closely in my chest is none other than my own destiny in this lifetime, my very own mission I have promised to appear in this world, at this time, to fulfill. It is the very primal point of which my existence comes to blossom a whole new, entirely different meaning.
I have heard people asking about the way to understand or realise their 'missions'. I myself have met this wall of resistance before; one that hinders the inquirer from proceeding further in realising what has been 'stored' and planted in his life. Along the way, through struggles and unforgettable episodes of secular changes, I realised that all that I have gone through are directional signs, preparatory lessons and life-guiding events to lead me to where and who I am today, in full order for me to evolve and revolve closer to what I am suppose to be. That futuristic self is no where else but installed right in the depth of my heart.
It is thus so rightful that the lotus flower represents the ultimate truth of life - in a full-grown, fiercely blossoming flower, there already lied a seed right in the middle of it. Standing right in the middle of a muddy pond, it is also ironically that the muddier the pond, the stronger the fragrance and beauty of the flower.
Our lives are exactly as such - we are all born with all the inherent strengths and weaknesses, elements which are essential to nourishing our lives for the revelation of our authentic selves. However, through the course of our temporal appearances in this world, we become accustomed to our inner negativity and, increasingly giving in to these elements, we began to lead a life of superficial, shallow and unmeaningful existences, gradually falling trapped to the inner voices of arrogance or ignorance. In the end like a lotus flower covered with mud, we unknowingly come to dispose and shed off our true, innate identities we have promised to adopt a long long time ago.
This is perhaps also the very reason why my mentor Dr. Daisaku Ikeda has been encouraging the world to stand up and fight all evils that torment the lives of the nameless humanity and faceless victims of karmic winds. It is because right in the middle of that tumultuous storms of injustice and suppression, that life-threatening waves of terrorising violence and fear, and that base and unforgiving sacrifices made to power and greed, that one will find his or her exact role in this world. It is a war waged not only toward the external devils of this world but the inner forces within that the transient self, for once, will come to give way to the true, purposed entities of life. For that matter, it is only one role where he/ she can fulfill.
To arrive at the realisation of one's mission, the only way thus is none other than to conduct an inner journey of examination and reflection. It is from here that one will come to understand how he has walked on the path of growth and development, and what he has become. It is in fact a close observation of one's opened and exposed soul, where everything would be laid before his very eyes. With this understanding, he would then travel even deeper to search for that flame of desire, that torch of hope, that light of truth. It is at that point, in his own life, that he will come to return to his very primal point, the very spot where he stood before his pure self since time immerorial to declare a specific role of objectivity and purpose in the distant future, a unique identity only he can live through and fulfill.
From here one will be able to see that right in the midst of living out the life of a mundane human, he carries within him a supra-mundane identity also; right in a single moment of time, his body of five basic elements contains the present, deluded self as well as revealing the future enlightened one; and right in the place where he stands, the surrounding is both the land of the common mortals as well as the buddha. The only thing that would stop him from fulfilling the dream would be his own, personal struggles. From then on, whether he succeeds or fail will ultimately depend on his own will of courage and perseverance. However, without a doubt, upon reaching that pinnacle of hope and dreams, his life will shine with brilliance, embracing all who are protected by him.
It is then that one's mission, in view of the macrocosmic platform, be truly fulfilled and realised. It is a path my mentor has trail-blazed and offered to the world. While some may regard it as an optional trail, it is in the truest sense a golden track of life-fulfilling and enlightening journey. It is in fact the only way for anyone to live a life through and through, as a human being, for a human being.
Friday, October 26, 2007
The Flower and the Seed
It is 2.52 a.m. by my computer's clock.